An Exciting Piece of Paper's Journal

10:04pm: This is my first entry in 49 weeks ...
I really don't have anything going on in my life that I care to write about; but I had an encounter with Shirley Forester today, and I need this cathartic release. I haven't seen it or even thought about it since I graduated high school more than three years ago, and it's stirred up way too many emotions in me, like how I've lost touch with nearly all of my friends from high school and some other general feelings of inadequateness.

Damn you, Shirley Forester, for still haunting me from your retirement. It was bad enough when you haunted me from beyond your grave while you were my evil, undead principal.

10:39pm: No matter how hard I try, I still have my monthly tornado nightmare.
"If you can cultivate wholesome mental states prior to sleep and allow them to continue right into sleep without getting distracted, then sleep itself becomes wholesome."

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama, "Sleeping, Dreaming and Dying"

11:45pm: Treasure Bath!
"Treasure. Bath tub. Treasure bath! I'm going to have a treasure bath! Treasure bath! TREASURE BATH!"

-Caesar

10:56pm: "But your flag decal won't get you into Heaven anymore"
I found John Prine! God bless you satellite radio!

I was introduced to John Prine's work by a sociologist, and you if you don't know of Prine, here's a sample:

While digesting Reader's Digest
In the back of a dirty book store,
A plastic flag, with gum on the back,
Fell out on the floor.
Well, I picked it up and I ran outside
Slapped it on my window shield,
And if I could see old Betsy Ross
I'd tell her how good I feel.

Chorus:
But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.

Well, I went to the bank this morning
And the cashier he said to me,
"If you join the Christmas club
We'll give you ten of them flags for free."
Well, I didn't mess around a bit
I took him up on what he said.
And I stuck them stickers all over my car
And one on my wife's forehead.

Repeat Chorus:

Well, I got my window shield so filled
With flags I couldn't see.
So, I ran the car upside a curb
And right into a tree.
By the time they got a doctor down
I was already dead.
And I'll never understand why the man
Standing in the Pearly Gates said...

"But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
We're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more."

It's Folk Music at its best.

10:48pm: Remember:
NO MATING!

11:18pm: Thomas Pynchon!
He has a new novel coming out soon!

I love Thomas Pynchon not just because he writes interesting and challenging novels, and not just because is a major recluse refusing to do press tours for his forthcoming novel, but because two of his few public appearances in the past decade have occurred by way of voice work on the Simpsons. And on one of those episodes he was drawn with a bag over his head! Oh, Thomas Pynchon!

And, oh, the Simpsons, you've spent such a long time on television, and in about a year you get to be on the big screen!

And the peasants rejoice!

4:23pm: Martinis for Everyone!
Fountain of Vermouth Discovered!

12:08am: "Does he still stand for truth, justice, and all that stuff?"
Superman has been one of this country's favorite fictional characters and arguably its favorite hero for almost seventy years, and in that time, he has always famously said that he stands for and defends "truth, justice, and the American way." However in Superman's most recent appearance, the new movie "Superman Returns," that last bit was taken off and replaced with, as best I can remember, "all that stuff." The line wasn't even delivered by Superman.

After Superman makes his heroic return at the beginning of the film, the action in the movie jumps to the next staff meeting at the Daily Planet, the fictional newspaper of the Superman universe, during which the editor hands out nothing but Superman-related article assignments, and the editor delivers those assignments in the form of questions like "where'd he go?," "how will his return affect the stock market?," "has he gained weight?," and others along those lines. His questions are thrown out as quickly as any of the action sequences in the movie, and during his questioning he slips in the line, "Does he still stand for truth, justice, and all that stuff?" That line stood out to me when I heard it because I expected to hear, "... truth, justice, and the American Way." After all, that's how it's always been delivered. That's Superman's motto.

Of course, cable news has developed its own brouhaha over this, tossing around lines like "the new Superman is a gay globalist" or "this movie makes Superman a politically-correct-minded wimp." It's easy to dismiss this as the typical ridiculousness of cable news "discussions" (remember last summer when Star Wars was an un-American attack on both democracy and the Bush/Cheney administration?), but I actually feel differently this time around. The writers or the director certainly should have known that the change to this very famous line would stand out. It stood out to me, at least, and I'm usually not the type of person to look for these sorts of things, which cable news does.

The simple explanation for this change could be that "the American way" doesn't play too well outside of the U.S., where there's a lot of money to be made by the movies, and that got me to thinking. What is the "American way?" The pundits on cable news are saying that Superman, the character and the movie, have changed, but I can't help but think that it's the American way that's changed. After all, the film kept "truth" and "justice" in tact, and I couldn't help but to be reminded of a fear of mine, that truth and justice along with reason are no longer a part of what this country cherishes.

10:26pm: "Don't ask about caste or riches but instead ask about conduct. Look at the flames of a fire. Where do they come from? From a piece of wood-and it doesn't matter what wood. In the same way, a wise person can come from wood of any sort. It is through firmness and restraint and a sense of truth that one becomes noble, not through caste."

-Sutta Nipata

10:57pm: I absolutely HEART Ben Bradlee!

11:29pm: "Pompeiian Night Cream says: Women's looks fade during war time."
George Bush, why do you always have to ruin everything!

Silly cheerleaders, always getting in the way.

10:13pm: HUH! Climatology and history in the same program!

HUH! FEUDALISM!

HUZZAH! PEASANTS!

12:08am: "Paranoia strikes deep/Into your life it will creep"
It's an election year again, so, obviously, that means it's time again for everyone to put on his or her bigotry cap!

In case you haven't heard, the government and cable news pundits have all gone and gotten hard-ons for new immigration legislation, and that's code for racist, anti-Hispanic laws. Apparently, we have to seal our borders in order to be safe from terrorists, despite the fact that all of the September 11th hijackers entered the country legally on things like students visas or a special program that the president created especially for Saudi Arabians so that they could get in the country quickly.

There's also a ridiculous and blatantly racist move to make English the official national language and therefore the only one government actions could be carried out in. Now, let me explain why it's racist, because a lot of people aren't clear on that. There were even two allegedly well educated political strategists debating the issue on CNN, and neither could explain why it was racist. The Democratic strategist attacked the proposed English only law as racist, but he couldn't defend his remark when the Republican strategist he was debating and who is for the proposal asked, "what race speaks Spanish?" The answer to that question is Hispanics. "Hispanic" is a word derived from "Espana" or "Spain," so Hispanics speak Spanish. Anthropologists (read: scientists) have observed in cultures around the world that what makes any race a race is culture (not biology!), and one of the chief components of culture is language. That's why when you start legislating against a person's language, you're legislating against his or her race. Going further, I think most anthropologists would probably say that notions of race are out-dated, and I think I would agree to an extent. However, measures like an English only law perpetuate these notions of race and racism because they isolate and push to the fringes of society these people from foreign nations and cultures.

As for the idea that the Spanish language is going to take over and replace English in the United States, I think, when examined, that argument doesn't stand up to much scrutiny. Similar things have been said about Chinese and Italian in U.S. history, and Benjamin Franklin even said things like this about German, I think even before the Revolution. None of those languages took over. See, the historic patterns in those instances were that the original immigrants might never learn English and function in society as best they could. Then, their children would speak both their parents' language and English, and then the grandchildren would only speak English. Linguists are currently seeing the same patterns emerging in Hispanic immigrant populations.

Other than racism, homophobia is again becoming an issue in this election cycle, homophobia especially in the form of a federal marriage amendment that would define marriage in the United States as only allowed between a man and a woman. An editorial in a recent edition of the Chattanooga Time-Free Press described such an amendment as not being an amendment against gay marriage but for "traditional marriage." I gagged when I read that. Of course it's an amendment against gay marriage! According to Reuters news agency, the President will again announce his support for such an amendment in the coming days. No one expects the amendment to pass, but the rhetoric is itself, nevertheless, detrimental.

It troubles me to see my country and my society become so dominated by hate, hate spawned by the fear that somehow our way of life is in danger. Fear and hate go together so easily.

12:00am: "Gimme back my belly fruit!"
I got bored the other night, and, boy, it wasn't rockin' like nobody's business.

Chew on that, bitch.

11:59pm: "Gimme back my belly fruit!"
I got laid the other night, and, boy, it was rockin' like nobody's business.

Chew on that, bitch.

11:55pm: "Gimme back my belly fruit!"
I got stoned the other night, and, boy, it was rockin' like nobody's business.

Chew on that, bitch.

11:55pm: "Gimme back my belly fruit!"
I got drunk the other night, and, boy, it was rockin' like nobody's business.

Chew on that, bitch.

12:14am: "'Cause I try, and I try, and I try, and I try."
Comcast just told me that the internet is an exciting tool, and I don't believe them. How are porn and bomb-making tutorials tools? What ev.

I'm tired, but I have so much that I want to say. I haven't tried to find the words yet, but I don't feel too rushed. After all, no one is listening. How could anyone be listening? Just look around, and it's obvious. And I'm not talking about myself or my life or livejournal.

I'm disappointed and frustrated.

10:45pm: graduated.

6:44pm: bil tene
Some times I wish that I was religious, and others I walk among the trees and find religion.

Monday, May 1st, May Day, was Beltane, which was one of the two most important holidays in ancient Celtic Ireland, and today it survives as a Wiccan, and often neo-pagan, holiday, one of their most important as well. It marks a change in the seasons, the beginning of the summer season. Only in recent times have the solstices and equinoxes represented the beginning of the seasons. In earth based spirituality, they represent the pinnacle and mid-point of a season.

I admire those who live in concert with the earth. It's a natural, authentic path or way of life, and it's not filled with belief after belief that I can't help but question (Just as a quick sidebar, there's really only one major religion that's based on belief. Most are ways of life.). It's such a beautiful path too, and how could it not be? It's filled with trees and flowers, oceans, streams, mountains and everything that goes along with those things. And it celebrates life and everything that goes along with it, including death.

In ancient Ireland and other Celtic regions of Europe, Beltane was celebrated with huge bonfires. Today, celebrations again might include bonfires, or smaller fires, or even candles, and people jump over the fires either for luck, or in hopes of getting pregnant. Beltane is a fertility celebration, and bil tene, from which the name of the holiday might be derived, means "lucky fire."

Earth based religions like Wicca are the only true Western religions. Christianity, which dominates the West, is actually a Middle Eastern religion, just as Judaism and Islam. Christianity, however, was molded to fit with or mirror European pagan religious practices, including Celtic religion but also other Germanic and Roman ones, which is why it fits into our culture as well as it does.

But it's still the Beltane season, so go find a flower. Smell it. Light a candle. Live. Celebrate.

11:01am: Wake me when it's Satori
Wednesday night, I went and took part in a Zen Buddhist service at the Atlanta Soto Zen Center. The service was, in brief, a little chanting, some incense, and a lot of meditation ("zen," after all, is the Japenese word for "meditation"). The "soto" in the name of the center refers to a branch of Zen Buddhism, of which there are several including Renzai and Vietnamese. And I already said, "zen" is the Japenese word for meditation, so Zen Buddhism then is a school of Buddhism that focuses on meditation. I've meditated many times before I made this visit, but I had never meditated in such a formal setting (although this was still pretty informal). I enjoyed the setting nonetheless, and I enjoyed the work that it took to participate, even though I've heard meditation described as "sitting around and doing nothing." Meditation is just sitting around, doing nothing, but it's also a lot of work. It's hard to let go of thoughts, letting them simply "pass by like clouds," but it's worth it.

The service started with lighting incense, and then there was chanting and bell ringing. After that, we sat facing the wall for a thirty-minute period of zazen, or sitting meditation. Then, there was a five-minute period of walking meditation, and then another thirty-minute period of zazen. The transition between each period was marked by a bell, and the service of was ended with more bell ringing and chanting. What never happened was a time to turn and great those around us, like what I've come to expect at religious services because of Catholic Mass. It was a very individualized service, with the potential to even be isolating, but for an ardent individualist with a strong independent streak like me, it was quite grounding and energizing. Any form of proper meditation, though, works like that, and it doesn't have to be apart of a service. Any one can reap the benefits of sitting around and doing nothing, and the leader of the service recalled a friend of his who said, upon coming to Zen Buddhism in the 1970's, "I don't need drugs anymore; I found Zen!"

11:31pm: Or Being Strung Out on Crack for Three Months, Something Like that
Well, I just realized today that I only have four weeks left here at Oxford and then on to the real world, okay well at least real Emory. Of course, that's after the long, lonely summer. I hate when I write in song lyrics. Whatever.

Since my summer period off is approaching, I've, as one would expect, been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do this summer (or what I probably won't do). I haven't been thinking much about last summer, though, until now.

It was my first "college summer," so I had a picture in my mind, for a short time at least, that I was going to do some cliche` college thing, for instance getting an intership or being strung out on crack for three months, something like that. But, regretably I think at times, I just sat around the house doing nothing except being cut off from the world. Thinking about it now, I'm a little astounded at how easy of an option that is to take, and to be perfectly accurate, I didn't do completely nothing. I spent some time writing. I started a short story that ended as a short novel, but it hasn't quite ended yet. I left it with one chapter to go. It's also kind of amazing how easy it is to do something like that.

It also blows my mind that I didn't see any one of my friends more than three times last summer, a period of three damn months. I spent most of my blame for that on transportation, the lack of, but I never blamed myself and I never blamed any of my friends for it. Could I have easily done more to have kept up better connections with my friends? Yes. Could my friends have done the same with me? Yes. With thinking like that, if I wasn't writing this, I would assume that whoever was would be pretty angry. Since I am writing this, however, I can say that I'm not angry. I was angry on a few days here and there this past year, but let me assure you that those days were much fewer even than the ones I spent with my friends, haha! I also want to include that the anger on those days was never focused, that is I never targeted anyone with it. It was simply a general anger that I never took seriously and didn't last long any of the times that it occured. People, friends lose contact with one another. It happens. It happened to me, but of course I don't do anything with out letting it teach me a lesson. It takes work to stay in touch with people. Every relationship is work. That's not too profound of a statement, but at least I came to that realization. Now, will I do the work?

Well, time to go. Long day tomorrow. Class. Emory to argue with beuaracrats. Soto Zen center to meditate.

12:16am: HA!
God, I love David Letterman and the ass-kicking that he just gave to Bill O'Reilly.

10:38pm: This is Dedicated to Adventure
I'm almost giddy for some reason, and I just don't know why. Well, maybe it's the boredom. I am really bored, and that could be the root cause of my giddiness. Or it could be my lack of sanity. Oh sanity, I wrote an elegy for you once, but I don't know what happened to it. Hehe, I lost it like my sanity that it's about - Isn't it ironic, and yeah I really do think.

My mom told a story about running into the wife of one of her managers today. The poor thing started talking, and my mom says was almost in tears, because her husband has joined a rigid Pentacostal Churc and he's become almost tyrranical. He refused to go on vacation with her and her mother because they were going to the beach, and apparently God hates that (because it require showing skin). She told my mom that he's changed completely, and she doesn't know if she wants to be with him anymore. She's afraid to have children with him while he's like this because she doesn't want to raise her kids with that kind of religion. That's not the worst part though. What really broke my heart is that she dated him for six years before they got married because she refused to be like her mother, getting with someone she barely knew and then splitting up and repeating that pattern. It's just a damn shame.

I go back to school next week, on Tuesday. Summer is ending - that's wonderful. This has been a pretty rotten summer, it seems, for a lot of people, so I'm celebrating it's passing. And today I decided that I really am excited to go back to school, even though I don't show it and until today I haven't been. I don't know what changed today, but I feel differently about it. It had been that I was holding the place in contempt over some things that happened late last year, but those things won't have any impact on this year. I still kind of have this yearning to leave Oxford, but that feeling, like most of my emotions, comes and goes. For now, it's subsided. It will be back though, I promise.

I wish I had something pithy to say.

I want to go sea kayaking, but I don't have a sea. I don't have a kayak either, but I'm not as concerned about that. And why do I want to go kayaking? I've never done it before, so why not? I heard some stories about it on NPR a while back, and I was fascinated. They really weren't stories about kayaking. They were more of a journal of a reporter who was kayaking, and I was completely fascinated. In one of the stories, the guy was on vacation, seeking solitude in Alaska (I have a fascination for Alaska too), and in it he described the environment and the microphone picked up the sound of the water on the rocks and I was hooked. In another story, a different reporter was kayaking around icebergs off of Newfoundland - freaking ICEBERGS! Yeah, I need to go sea kayaking, even if it's just off the coast of some place like Georgia, manuevering around the marshes. I've been on a Georgia marsh, and the marshes are cool.

I've been on a Star Trek kick recently. Star Trek is fun - and so much cooler than Star Wars. Yeah, Star Wars has people throwing things with their minds and lightsabers, but Star Trek has whales and Mark Twain references that make my heart flutter. That and Star Trek is all about adventure, exploration, science, and hope, and it has cool spaceships. It's set in Utopia. It's about what we can become and where we can go - the undiscovered country, the future. It has nifty Shakespeare references too!

8:18pm: It's that time of year when a young man's fancy turns to humorous quotes.
FUN QUOTE TIME!

"Boy, I can't believe you got kicked out school! Now, we have to find a new one, and if you get kicked out of this one, it's straight to the army where you'll be shipped off to America's newest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea, Iran, who knows with Commander Cuckoo Bananas in charge!"

-Homer Simpson

"You transformed breakfast into dinner! It's a miracle!"

-Homer Simpson